Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize