didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize