Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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