end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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