After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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