I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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