Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His nipple licking is glorious
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