I'm so fucking centered right now
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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