Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize