all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize