I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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