all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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