in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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