There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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