sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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