I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just puked most of my soul out..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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