all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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