I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Welp...herpes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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