he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize