Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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