i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
True strength comes from lack of pants
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize