Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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