I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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