im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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