If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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