Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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