Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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