Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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