We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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