I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize