People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize