The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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