Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize