Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize