Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
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I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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