Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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