it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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