the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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