i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
