I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
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UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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