At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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