haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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