Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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