she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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