Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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