oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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