Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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