I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He has the fingertips of a God
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