Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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