the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize