For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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